The GOAT Announces his Retirement from the NFL

We lost a special talent in the NFL today. No Tom Brady didn't announce his retirement if that's what you were hoping for.


Alex Tanney announced his retirement today after 9 seasons in the NFL. His last 2 being with the New York Giants. Now I know what a lot of you are thinking right now:

Let me tell you about Alex Tanney, the greatest finesser in the history of professional sports. Here's some background on Alex via the Giants website:

Played in 47 games at Monmouth College (Ill.) from 2007-11, when he set NCAA Division III career records with 14,249 passing yards and 157 touchdown passes…Selected as the Midwest Conference Offensive Player of the Year 3 times (2008-09, 2011)…As a senior in 2011, Tanney threw for a career-high 3,867 yards and 38 touchdowns…In 2010, redshirted after suffering an injury prior to the start of the season…In his junior season in 2009, was named the Melberger Award winner as Division III's best player after throwing for 3,856 yards and 44 touchdowns…As a sophomore, set a school record with 50 touchdown passes and threw for 3,848 yards…As a freshman in 2007, played in 10 games, completing 242 of 376 passes for 2,678 yards and 24 touchdowns…Threw only 5 interceptions.

What an absolutely legendary DIII college football career. He set team and DIII records left and right at Monmouth. The most incredible thing about it all is he only threw 5 picks. 5 picks his whole college career. I know DIII defenses probably are not the best, but still that is insane. Rarely do DIII players make it to the big leagues, but when you have a talent like this how can they be denied a shot?

Now strap yourselves in cause we are going for a bit of a ride here.

Originally signed as a rookie free agent by the Kansas City Chiefs on June 5, 2012…Released by Kansas City on May 2, 2013…Signed by the Dallas Cowboys on July 21, 2013…Released by Dallas on Aug. 31, 2013 and signed to the team's practice squad a day later…Signed to the Cleveland Browns' active roster on Nov. 26, 2013…Released by Cleveland on May 12, 2014…Signed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on May 21, 2014…Released by Tampa Bay on Aug. 25, 2014…Signed to the Tennessee Titans' practice squad on Dec. 16, 2014…Signed to Tennessee's roster on Dec. 29, 2014…Released by Tennessee on Sept. 5, 2015…Signed to the Buffalo Bills' practice squad on Sept. 8, 2015, and released the following day…Signed to the Indianapolis Colts' practice squad on Sept. 29, 2015…Released by Indianapolis on Oct. 20, 2015…Re-signed to Indianapolis' practice squad on Nov. 10, 2015…Signed to Tennessee's active roster on Dec. 22, 2015…Released by Tennessee on Sept. 12, 2016, and re-signed to the practice squad 2 days later…Signed to Tennessee's active roster on Dec. 27, 2016…Released on April 30, 2018…Signed as a free agent by the Giants on May 2, 2018.

Do you have to go to the DMV and get a new picture every time you move states or no? If so I probably would've retired before I spent that much time with ticket number 412 in my hand and 'now serving 52' up on the screen. That much movement is just ludicrous. No team ever thought he was good enough to be kept around for awhile, but they were never quite positive that he sucked, so they all kept him around. He must've put up good numbers to have all these teams take a flyer on him right.


That's it. Those are his career numbers. 2 career appearances. Exactly 100 career passing yards, 1TD pass, and 0 picks. Legendary numbers. Guy threw less picks than Brady and will have a higher career completion percentage. Too soon to put him in the GOAT argument? The fact that he hung around for 9 years on those stats isn't what makes Alex a legend. This is what makes him a legend.

Via Spotrac:

If you add in his practice squad earnings and variety of bonuses his total earnings come in around $3,650,000. If my math is correct thats approximately $331,818 per completed pass, $36,500 for every yard he threw for, and $3,650,000 per TD pass. Even more that comes out to $1,216,667 per sack taken. I know people will refute this, but I truly believe backup QB is the greatest job in the world. There's a chance you never have to see the field. If you do see the field you can fuck up all you want and people will just chalk it up as 'well he's just the backup'. All while collecting at least league minimum which is around $610,000. Oh and you only work at most 6 months out of the year. I chose the wrong profession.

So there you have it. The legendary 9 year career of Alex Tanney has come to an end. You know what the say, you either hang around long enough to see yourself become the villain, or you retire as the hero. Alex Tanney went out a hero.